I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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