Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You're breaking my sexual little heart
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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