you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
