my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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