The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
