I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
