Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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