I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
