even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
if i died would you start the facebook group?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
