i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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