I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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