I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
