mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
only you would photoshop your dick
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
