There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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