Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
