How'd it feel making her break her religion?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
