marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
