I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
it's like heaven, but drunker
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
