my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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