Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
