Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Are these your boobs on my camera?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
