Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
