I wanna passion pit in your ass
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
