You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
