so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
