Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
