ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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