i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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