I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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