girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
