if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
