A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
