She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
