Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
