You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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