have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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