Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
