Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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