if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
