when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
