i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
This baby is an asshole
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
