I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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