I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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