things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
