Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
