Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm sobbing to NWA
My life is pants optional.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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