It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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