sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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