What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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