I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
